It's not Santa who remembers to buy presents for all the kids and your mom. Nor does Santa Claus go to cut-and-paste day at the after-school program, make lactose-free Waldorf salad for your sister, or remember to book a babysitter when you're going to Christmas lunch for the fourth time.
Mental Load is the mental burden that often falls on women who do all the invisible work of keeping track of home appointments, projects and logistics. The term covers a never-ending to-do list of small and big things that need to be done in the family and can be divided into four cognitive stages, all of which require energy.
Often, household tasks are divided into routine tasks and flexible tasks, and it's important to understand the difference.
Routine tasks are those that need to be done often or every day. For example, planning dinner, doing laundry, buying tabs for the dishwasher, dusting behind the couch, changing bedding, remembering when to bring the kids' gym clothes to school, etc.
Flexible tasks, on the other hand, are tasks that only need to be done once in a while and rarely have a deadline. It could be getting the car to the mechanic, mowing the lawn, trimming the hedge, changing winter tires or cleaning the gutters. Tasks that are often, but certainly not always, done by the man.
We say it out loud. Talk to our partner about it and make a list of all the visible and invisible tasks around the home and divide them equally. Too many women get overloaded because they take on too much responsibility. Especially in December, when we work hard for 23 days so that Santa can do the honors on Christmas Eve.
Santa isn't real. Mental load is.
"I force my partner to wrap all the presents."
"Who mediates the conflicts? Me."
"Many of the things my husband does, he only does because I either ask him to or remind him that it needs to be done."
"Would we have an Advent wreath, Christmas tree, string lights, Christmas decorations, etc. if I didn't take care of it? - nope!"
